anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
