make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
