My brain says no but my pants say off.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
