I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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