So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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