Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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