He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize