Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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