I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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