chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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