every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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