I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
