i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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