I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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