How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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