bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
