new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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