I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
