bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
