So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
