6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
