um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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