she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
