I'm really into asian looking animals
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize