rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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