u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
