the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
