You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
