She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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