Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dick has a subreddit
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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