Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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