his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize