Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
