nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
