Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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