Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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