Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize