i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
me + whiskey = a bad person
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
