I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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