Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just blew my weed a kiss
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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