it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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