YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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