I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
