I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
