she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
