just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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