sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Randomize
