I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
