Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
3pm strippers are depressing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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