I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
