That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
