Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
