Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
