alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize