If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
