We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
