My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
