i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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