One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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