At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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