Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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