"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
