No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
