What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
