You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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