i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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