It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I am morally bankrupt
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
