we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
