I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
did i walk over a car last night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
