Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want her autograph on my taint
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
