Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
