She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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