It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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