theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
