my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
