well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i think my cat just said my name.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
